Skin to skin - La Leche League New Zealand

Twiddling

Post category:Challenges
Reading time:11 mins read

“As my baby gets bigger (more than a year), I feel like I’m constantly pushing her hands away from “twiddling” my other nipple. I know it is a natural instinct to massage and rub to help with letdown, but she is much stronger now and my nipples are sensitive – it just doesn’t feel good. But I feel a bit sad that I’m refusing her efforts to touch. How do other mothers handle this?”

Responses

Clare Lyell, North Canterbury – Try wearing clothes that cover your other breast, then a necklace with big chunky beads, or a pendant that she can play with while nursing. Worked for my first and second.

Karen Swan, Canberra – My 14 month old is crazy for it! He seems to only do it when we lie down to feed before naps or, as we co-sleep, during night feeds. If I wear a nightdress/top that also exposes my other breast, he’ll be all over me, so I tend to wear something like a sleeping crop top. If he can’t see it, he tends to keep hands off or just concentrate on the fleshier part of my breast, which I can handle! Other than that, the only success I’ve had is to cover my nipple with my thumb or finger – it fools him sometimes!

It would seem the more I take his hands away, the more intent he becomes. Downside? Now he pinches me instead! I know how strange it feels; I figure he’ll grow out of it like everything else!

I hope I’ve been of some help (as LLL is to me!)

Friederike André, Thames – I could not stand the touch at the other breast, and so I held my baby’s hand to stop him from doing it. He stopped trying after what seemed to me many months and would still keep trying on and off later. I kept telling him it hurt and once he understood that, it was okay. But that really was a long time later.

Jenny Coles, Lower Hutt – Hello, I understand the feeling of being torn between meeting the emotional and physical needs of your daughter and your own comfort. Touch is a natural part of breastfeeding and parenting.

We encourage our toddler to stroke or gently hold the breast he is feeding from, while saying “soft touching, thank you”. When he reaches for or twiddles the other nipple, I remove his hand saying “ouch that hurts Mummy” or “ouch, touch softly, thank you”. We have found saying “thank you” reinforces my words as a directive, as opposed to “please” as a choice.

Some days he only needs reminding once, other days, when he is feeling ill or teething, many times at each feed. We borrowed some touch and feel books from the library and received two for his birthday. They have aided his understanding of soft and gentle, rough and ouchy. When playing we alternate between rough and tumble and quiet gentle play to help him relax and unwind before nap time and bedtime. This greatly reduced the “twiddling” initially.

You may like to read Mothering your Nursing Toddler by Norma Jane Bumgarner. Reading this helped me understand the changing dynamics of the mother-baby relationship when I was having difficulty with the balance of his needs and my own comfort. Contact your local LLL Group or library for a copy or purchase one directly from LLLNZ.

Breastfeeding manners as toddlers often comes up at LLL meetings, especially when a mother is feeling uncomfortable or undecided about her own comfort versus her child’s behaviour at the breast. I try to remind mothers about breastfeeding being a love language and this is one of the many opportunities to teach our beautiful little people we are growing about respect for others. Just as we respect their need to breastfeed for more than nutrition, they need to respect our body by being gentle with it. We wouldn’t fiddle with our child’s body parts so they were uncomfortable or in pain while they breastfed. When we gently, firmly set boundaries about how they can touch our bodies this lesson can then flow on to how to pat the cat, stroke a new sibling or a friend’s new baby. Hopefully, this respect for others becomes an admired quality in our children as they grow into adulthood.

Merewyn Groom, Lower Hutt – My daughter is 23 months and has recently started doing this too. I can’t stand it! I try not to uncover the other side so she doesn’t have too easy access and hopefully doesn’t notice it. She is old enough that I can try and explain that it hurts Mummy, and I also invite her to hold my hand which she likes to do.

If you lie down to nurse you can use the “uphill” side, in other words, if she is lying on your left then nurse from your right breast, this way you have to lean over a bit and she won’t be able to get at the lower one. When we were learning to nurse lying down this is actually how we started out and I still find it more comfortable.

Tineke Snow, Lower Hutt – I had this as Jackson got older. The only things I found helped were to distract him: give him something to hold in the free hand, play games on the free hand like this little piggy or round and round the garden.

Claire Hargest-Slade, Timaru – Charles still does this. I tickle him under his arm so he pulls his hand away. Also I’m not above tickling his nipple or “milky” as he calls it in a bit of tit for tat!

Janine Pinkham, Kaiapoi – Gosh, that takes me back. I can remember my boys getting twiddly with my nipples as they got older – or trying to; it is something I always found really annoying but somewhat mean about as I watched other mothers happily breastfeeding, braless and with their toddlers twiddling the free nipple. In short I didn’t let my children twiddle. I would hold their hands away from my other breast, usually holding firmer and firmer as the urge to find the non-latched nipple got stronger during a feed. Sometimes I used words like, “no” or “I don’t like it when you do that” or “don’t do that”. If it was too annoying I would stop the feed and cover myself up completely.

Since I usually wore a bra and covered up the non-latched nipple the opportunities for twiddling were limited to nighttimes or when wearing a bathing costume or some other unusual clothing. When my twins were toddlers they usually fed simultaneously so twiddling was not a problem. One of the lovely things about simultaneous feeding is the two children holding hands. They would “twiddle” each other’s hands too, twisting and intertwining fingers and stroking each other’s faces. Another thing that can be cuddly is gentle stroking with the hand that goes around the back of you. That can turn to pinching, which is not nice.

Breastfeeding a needs to be an enjoyable experience for the mother and the child. If you are not enjoying an aspect of breastfeeding it’s only natural to stop the annoying behaviour. Toddlers are so wonderfully huggable there are plenty of other times for skin to skin touching when you are with them during the day so they can still get all the touching they need.

Jessica Parsons, Auckland Central – It’s not nice to feel like you’re in armed combat with your child, and this is something to address now especially if you think that you may still have years of your breastfeeding relationship left. Older babies develop lightning reflexes and tricky fingers to seek out spots to send you to the roof before you know the hand was in your clothes! My youngest seems to play spider fingers on me just to keep herself amused, which can get very tickly. I often have one hand in defensive coverup position, and often I still get very pushy little fingers.

I will play gentle handholding games and kissyfingers, or move the wandering hand to the breast she’s latched on (so it’s safe). I also demonstrate to her with my hand what gentle touching does feel OK to me. It sometimes works to stroke her softly on the cheek or arm, which distracts her from touching me.

With older children you can explain that it bothers you – my five year old knows that he has to have good manners and quiet hands or it’s “all done time.” I always try to tell them what they may do instead of just saying “Don’t do that!” Also, check to see if you are modelling quiet hands. Since I don’t have to use my other hand for holding a little one, I notice that I am often finger-combing my hair or other fidgeting myself!

Elaine Winchester, Petone – This situation is one that others can learn from in advance. The solution parallels what we do if a toddler keeps putting things in the wall socket (without a cover that is!) or what mothers do when one set of grandparents find displeasure at open nursing in their home, when it’s okay with the other set.

Babies are learning even before birth and can learn from our tone of voice (firm and friendly) and consistent actions. Repeat in a kind voice “no more” or “no thanks” “uhuh” while removing the little hand. I found holding the hand or putting the clasp onto my finger helped – or another object. It takes patience, just as when they start looking/pulling around when people enter the room whilst breastfeeding.

La Leche League Leaders can prepare a mother for this situation with older babies, as well as helping her decide what she’d be most comfortable calling breastfeeding, in preparation for the toddler calling it out in public!

Rose Davis, Waiheke Island – How mothers feel while breastfeeding is important too!

The baby will be fine without twiddling your nipple and your experience of this irritation while feeding could lead to you weaning earlier than if you set limits that preserve your comfort.
I would encourage you to look after yourself on this issue, and let your baby know that playing with your nipple doesn’t feel good to you.

Your baby’s needs are of vital importance, but mothers need to care for themselves too, not least of all so that they can carry on being wonderful mothers.

Robin Jones Greif, Blenheim – This can be super annoying and be really off putting for continuing breastfeeding. After a year of age, a baby can learn that some things are just not acceptable during breastfeeding. After all, you wouldn’t let your baby bite you just because they wanted to and nipple twiddling is in the same category. A gentle “no” and removing the hand will be enough for some babies to get it; others benefit from putting something small and soft in their hand as a replacement. If it happens towards the end of a feed, if saying no doesn’t work ending the feed while telling the baby why s/he’s finished can work too.

Some children can be very resistant to stopping this, but it’s better to parent to halt this unwelcome activity than to quit breastfeeding because you just can’t stand it!

Jenny Della Torre, Sydney – If the baby is drinking well from a cup and commenced weaning, the breastfeeding time could be cut shorter as the twiddling usually does not happen at the beginning of the feed, when the baby is hungry. The breast that the baby is not feeding from could be covered. Hold the baby’s hand and stroke it gently or give your baby a favourite soft toy or small object to hold. Keep a note of which time the twiddling tends to happen more often and offer other substitutes first or use distraction. Without refusing the nursing, just cut the feeding time shorter.

Fully Breastfeeding Amber after Latching-On Problems

Post category:Challenges
Reading time:8 mins read

Amber was born on New Years Eve 2001, at home, in the water under a
beautiful, fullmoon sky. Everything went as planned and Amber had her first
breastfeed half an hour after birth. Amber and I bonded instantly and I knew
that I wanted to breastfeed her as it was best for her health. It’s natural and
comforting and what better way to show my baby how much I love her.
I had read breastfeeding books and talked to my midwife, Heather, about
feeding and thought that I was prepared. The first few days Amber fed quite
well and I was starting to get the hang of it, Heather had explained to me that
breastfeeding is a skill that has to be learned and that Amber and I were
teaching each other.
Around day three, things started to go wrong and I couldn’t latch Amber on
properly, so my nipples were being grazed. The next day, when Heather came
to see us she told me to make absolutely sure that Amber’s mouth was
opening wide and to make sure she was getting enough breast in her mouth.
She also said that if it hurt me, to take Amber off and try again, (and again and
again…) until it didn’t hurt and felt comfortable. I found that every time
Heather was present Amber would latch on well and we had really good
feeds, but I couldn’t get it right all the time and it was when Heather wasn’t
there that I was having real problems.
After about a week my nipples were sore and a bit damaged though no worse.
In week or two everything went down hill really fast. My nipples got badly
damaged and Amber wanted to feed all the time with only an hour or so rest in
between. When Amber latched on, it hurt so badly that I would get a very
intense pain right up my arm and into my elbow and shoulder. My toes would
curl up and tears usually followed. My letdown was being affected because I was so tense and I could never
relax due to the pain, which then led to supply worries. I was getting very
distressed so I rang Heather again and she came to see us. She was really
surprised how in a matter of 48 hours my nipples could get so damaged. They
went from moderate damage to extreme damage almost over night, (although
it felt a lot longer than that at the time). We decided, after much deliberation, to use nipple shields for a while to
protect my nipples from further damage and to hopefully give them a chance
to heal. Heather told me to let the shields do their job then throw them away
before I got too dependant on them, because long term use can effect supply.
The shields were lifesavers, it still hurt when the nipple got sucked through the
shield but it helped Amber and I get it right.
The next step was to get my supply back up so we got some lactogogue tea,
lots of food, snacks, water, rest and breastfeeding. It was working. We were
getting there, life was a little better and the tears were less. Amber was not
gaining as much weight as we would have liked, but we had sorted out some
major problems and were confident that great progress had been made. We
were on the way up and Amber was a happy alert baby.
Then other members of the family became concerned about Amber’s weight.
They said that she needed formula, that I should get my milk tested (because
it was not good enough), and because my sister couldn’t breastfeed maybe I
couldn’t either, and that Amber would get Cystic Fibrosis etc, etc. The last
straw was when they told us that since Amber could not speak they would
have to be her voice. This really hurt and upset us, and all the great progress
we had made recently went straight down the toilet. I started feeling really
guilty, that I wasn’t a very good mother, and that I had failed. The emotional
pressure was huge so back came the tears and a small dose of depression
just to top it all off as out came the formula.
Knowing how determined I was to breastfeed Amber, Heather expressed her
concerns about the fact, that, if I gave up now after all the hard work that I
might regret it later. I totally agreed. We started supplementing Amber with
two bottles a day. It was very hard to do. I thought that once I started that
would be it and the formula would take over. I was determined not to let this
happen. Heather told me to make sure to express when Amber had formula
and feed this to her as well to get some good weight gains. Family pressure
was still major, so it was suggested that we go to see a paediatrician to get
Amber checked. Heather and I knew Amber was fine but we agreed a
checkup might help put all our minds at rest.
I was dreading going to the paediatrician and thought he was going to tell me
to give up breastfeeding altogether, (actually it was quite the contrary). I
explained everything to him and then he checked Amber. He said she was
fine and gave me a few things to look out for. He was very pro breastfeeding
and told me to keep doing as I was and to drop the formula when I was
comfortable. He told me to feed Amber on demand, which was what I was
doing anyway. He also said to try not to listen to what other people think is
right for Amber and he was more than happy to talk to family about their
concerns. I felt like a huge weight had been taken off my shoulders and, more
so, my mind.
Life was still pretty hard and there was so much pressure and stress in getting
my nipples healed, supply up and feeding going properly. Michelle, my
student midwife, suggested La Leche League and got Debbie’s number for
me. I rang Debbie and explained everything to her and she gave lots of help,
information, encouragement and support. Debbie suggested switch nursing
for a couple of days to help give my supply a real boost. It really worked and
Amber was doing better with lots more dirty nappies. My nipples were now
healed and it was time to get rid of the shields. It was scary but I knew it was
time. I started feeding every second feed without the shield, as my nipples
were still a little sore. After a few days I became more confident and gave the
shields back to Heather. It was a great day. My milk supply then picked right
up and can you believe it I was even leaking!
Heather visited an extra week to make sure our girl was still having weight
gains, lots of wet and dirty nappies and to make sure I was a happy mum. The
last visit was sad because Heather had become my friend and her support
was just amazing. Her last written words in our birth story were:
“Your strength and determination to do what you believe is right for Amber is
amazing, you have a beautiful, healthy daughter, enjoy every moment of what
you have worked so hard to achieve. Arohanui, Heather.”
At 11 weeks out went the formula and Amber was a happy, healthy, fully
breastfed baby. We had made it. It was the most rewarding goal I had ever
achieved and I am so proud that I stuck to my beliefs. I went to my first La
Leche League Meeting when Amber was four months old and couldn’t believe
the amount of support I got from other mothers and a great bunch of Leaders.
I have made some new friends and I am enjoying going to meetings and
hopefully helping someone else feel supported.
Sometimes I feel sad when I think about the first few weeks but actually
writing my story has helped a lot and made me feel proud that I didn’t give up.
I want to say a huge thanks to: Heather for all her help, love, support,
friendship, extra visits and phone calls; Debbie for all her help over the past
two years and for introducing me to LLL; and my husband who stood right by
my side every step of the way. Thank you so much.
I have learnt a great deal over the past two years and now have the
knowledge to look forward to breastfeeding again early in 2004. I now know
where to go for support. I can only remind myself that the negative things
have turned positive through being introduced to LLL.

Leanne Kennedy, Cambridge
Aroha September/October 2004

My Favorite Place

Post category:Sleep
Reading time:7 mins read

We were waiting for our food to be served at the restaurant and the children decided to pass the time with a game. One person had to guess a word chosen by the others, and the others had to give little hints.
“Mum’s favourite location” my youngest daughter said, ending the game on the first clue because everyone in my family knows the answer to that. My favourite place in the whole world is my bed. And like many mums (to the chagrin of many dads) my favourite thing to do there is to sleep. I dream of sleep, preferably in long unbroken stretches.

In retrospect, even in the years B.C. (before children) sleep and I have always had our issues. I remember playing the game Trivial Pursuit, where one of the science questions was “How long does it take the average person to fall asleep?” It’s been years but I remember the answer because I was so shocked by it. In my pre-child existence, I always took a long time to fall asleep, about an hour. I’d run through all of the details of my day, think of alternate snappy answers to questions that I should have said, and review and rehearse upcoming interactions. But I knew that one hour was long for most people so I shaved my answer down to twenty minutes. The correct answer was seven. Seven minutes! To my childless self that was astounding.

Having children was a wakeup call for me to the womanly art of sleep management. No one knows sleep deprivation quite so intimately as the mother of an infant. No question that it’s rough in the early days.
Many a new mother makes the comment that they understand now why it’s used as a method of torture. Post-kids I could and did fall asleep in seconds. But I still could not rid myself of my love of sleeping and my addiction to large doses of it. I experienced withdrawal like a junkie, when my baby woke me up I was irritable and irrational.

Part of overcoming my addiction was education. Our culture – but not our babies – seems to view the eight hour uninterrupted sleep as a sacred right. Our babies are not designed that way, their little tummies need filling up and they have a need to check in and make sure we are close by.

I read some of Dr James McKenna’s work. He studies mother-baby sleep in his lab at Notre Dame University in the USA. His research quashes the myth of unbroken sleep. The truth is that all of us sleep in cycles that include deeper and shallower stages. Most of us do wake up in the night, but usually we go back to sleep without awareness of these wakeful periods.

Dr McKenna’s studies have shown how breastfeeding mothers and their babies who share sleep spaces develop a rhythm to their sleep patterns. Fighting this rhythm and trying to control it is what just about did me in as a mother.

Our nights would go like this:
• 11 pm; fall asleep with baby.
• It’s 1:34 and the baby is awake. Feed, change, make calculation about how much sleep I’d got…
• Jeez, it’s 3:32! More calculations. Not even two hours!
• Sheesh!! It’s 4:19!!! Mental calculator going again. Indulge in self pity for several sleep-wasting minutes. Have trouble falling back asleep because of resentment.
• For crying out loud, does that clock really say 5:22?!!!! Work self into a tizzy about how many wake ups I’d had. Try to decide if it’s worth it to even go back to sleep. On and on they went, these horrible nights,
and it was during the height of my misery that I knew I needed to do something. It was high time for some practical mother to mother support from some LLL mothers. They had some great suggestions which I’d like to share with you.

I wasn’t happy to take the advice of the sleep training set – though it seemed at the time that the world was divided into two groups, mothers who bragged that their babies slept through the night and people who advocated the cry it out method. What I needed to hear was that night time waking was normal and manageable – it just needed to be tweaked.

The best of the tweaks came from a mother who said, “You know, you could get rid of the clock in your room.” This was a stroke of genius. For me, a significant part of my night time waking issues was my own attitude about it and that clock wasn’t helping. Those nightly mathematical calculations were adding fuel to a fire that needed to be put out. Another mum gave me her tip, “Don’t change your baby’s nappy in the night. Most nappies these days are pretty absorbent and often last right through.” “If they don’t wake up fully,” another mum added, “they won’t poo.” I found that to be true for my babies also. All that changing just served to wake us both up further, so that I’d be trying to chill us both out from a full boil instead of keeping the flame low from the start. A midwife friend shared her tip of cutting two round holes in a sweatshirt to make access easier in the night also. And gradually my baby and I got unconsciously skilled at breastfeeding too, so that we could both do it almost without thinking about it, almost in our sleep.

When my second son was little, I overheard my husband bragging at what a good baby he was. “That child has slept through the night since the day he was born,” he said. Of course, this was completely untrue. The difference was that none of us was making a big deal about it; I’d developed the knack of breastfeeding in our semi-awake state. We all slept better. My bed stopped being a battleground and
sleep stopped being a contest I was determined to win.

My oldest child is 20 years old now, and I can’t count the number of unbroken nights of sleep I’ve had since his birth, and the birth of his siblings. For those of you beginning your motherhood journey, you probably don’t want to know that there haven’t been many. I am proud to say I am no longer keeping score. Though my bed still is my favourite place in the world, my children know that they are my
favourite people.

Co-Sleeping Safely
Make sure that your mattress is firm and fits tightly in the frame, avoid waterbeds, recliners, couches or armchairs.
Provide a smoke-free environment; exposure to cigarette smoke increases the baby’s risk of SIDS
Sheets should fit your mattress snugly.
Always place your baby on his back to sleep, including after breastfeeding.
No one who shares sleep with your baby should drink alcoholic beverages, take drugs, be exceptionally obese, be on medication that makes him or her less alert, or be too unwell or exhausted to be aware of the baby.
Consider keeping your young baby next to his mother only, because mothers seem to be especially aware of their babies in bed, keep an adult between any older child and your baby.
Make sure the sides of the bed are either tight against the wall or far enough away from the wall that your baby can’t become trapped. Or use a bed rail on the side of the adult bed.
Keep the bed low to the ground, maybe even on the floor, to minimise any falls.
Keep pets out of the bed the baby will be sleeping in.
Keep loose pillows or soft blankets away from your baby’s face, avoid nightclothes or hair ties with strings or attachments that might pose a strangulation risk.
Avoid thick bedding and dressing the baby too warmly – close bodily contact increases body temperature.

Sources:
Good Nights by Jay Gordon, MD and Maria Goodavage, and Sweet Dreams by Paul Fleiss, MD, taken from LLL information sheet Safe Sleep, available from LLLNZ
“Sleeping with your baby” by James McKenna, New Beginnings 2009; 26(1): 4-9

Dr Alison Barrett is an obstetrician, who still gets up in the night for babies – they are just no longer her own.

Together Early and Often

Post category:Mothering
Reading time:4 mins read

Mother and baby need to be together early and often to establish a satisfying relationship and an adequate milk supply. Nadine has written about her mothering beliefs to give to her daughter, Elora when, in the years ahead, Elora first becomes pregnant.

Dear Elora,
I looked at you, I touched you, I smelt you. How perfect; what a miracle; you.

Babies need their mothers. Just as strongly mothers need their babies. I remember sending you off to the nursery for my well earned rest. What a complete joke! Every time a baby cried I would ask a passing nurse, ‘Is that mine?’ I lay wondering, ‘Is she alright?’ ‘Will they give me back the right baby?’ After an hour or so of lying wide awake and being totally uneasy I asked to have you back with me. Peace. I needed you – you were mine!

Bonding is a strange and amazing thing. For some women this happens instantly, for others it takes a while. But one obvious thing seems true – you can’t bond with something that isn’t there. The more time you spend with adult friends the better you know them – this is also true for mothers and babies.

We need to use all our senses to come to understand and care for each other. This relationship is like no other in its intensity, and is perhaps like no other with regard to the mental, emotional and physical health of both mother and baby.

Early contact for the baby reduces stress. The mother’s voice, skin to skin contact and warmth all calm the baby as does that first feed. And for the baby the sooner these things can happen the better – birth must be a fairly frightening experience.

Early contact for the mother reduces stress too. To be able to hold such a beautiful ‘prize’ after such a lot of work makes it all worthwhile. To see your baby studying you in that first hour as if to imprint you on their brain is like magic. That first feed releases hormones to calm you and to help deliver the placenta.

Over the next six weeks it is important to spend as much time together as possible so that your understanding of your baby’s needs are clearer to you. A young baby (presix weeks) needs at least eight feeds every 24 hours but frequently they require more. This six weeks is when your body learns to produce milk to satisfy your baby’s demands, you learn correct positioning and you establish your relationship with baby. It is at this time that a woman begins to understand that her body is truly remarkable in a new way. However hungry her baby is, if she puts it to the breast as often as requested her body just increases production of milk. And if the baby slows down its demand so the production slows. It is like a dance between a mother’s body and a baby’s.

Many women say that once they reach the six week mark both they and the baby settle down, understand each other and life seems less demanding. This six weeks is an important ‘season’. As with all things there will be good times and difficult ones during this time – but it passes, sometimes all too soon. Many countries treat this time as a special occasion and a relation or a professional moves into the house to care for the rest of the family and household so that these bonding weeks can be optimised. Mother and baby stay together 24 hours a day, sharing sleep and cuefeeding.

I believe this is something our society could learn from. An important thing I learnt and it took both you and Lucas to teach me was that there is no such thing as a manipulative baby. Many people in our society
believe that during this ‘bonding season’ we need to teach the baby who is boss and fit it into a schedule so it will not end up running the household. What I learnt was that there is no such thing as a spoilt baby, only a secure baby, who knows its every need will be attended to as soon as possible. I also learnt that babies’ wants are needs – there is no differentiation. Babies are designed to demand that their needs are satisfied otherwise the human race would have died out hundreds of years ago. It is common for people to suggest a mother takes time out from her newborn baby for her sake. I believe that if they truly understood this ‘season’ then, for her sake, they would give a mother time out from societal commitments and housework instead.

‘Tis a season to enjoy,
Mum.

By Nadine Walmisley,Christchurch South
Originally printed in Aroha March/April 2003, Volume 5 Issue 2

Satisfying the Needs of the Baby

Post category:Mothering
Reading time:4 mins read

Mothering through breastfeeding is the most natural and effective way of understanding and satisfying the needs of the baby.

When I think of what is entailed in mothering, I think of loving the baby – of caring for the baby physically, emotionally and spiritually. It wasn’t that I thought I couldn’t mother by
bottlefeeding; it simply seemed that breastfeeding was so clearly what Hannah needed and what I was pre-programmed to do.

‘Mothering through breastfeeding’. One of the very obvious things that strikes me about the phrase is how inextricably linked, physiologically, breastfeeding and pregnancy are, in that the body starts preparing for breastfeeding as soon as the woman becomes pregnant. Nothing could be more natural and to not breastfeed is to go against nature. Similarly, the development of the baby’s
sucking reflex in utero and its rooting instinct prepare it to be mothered through breastfeeding. It also is the only thing that only I can do, short of a wet nurse, which seems to me to point to its being at the heart of mothering the baby. It was also the only thing I knew I could (eventually) do well by virtue of
simply being Hannah’s mother and that was a huge comfort to me. I was taken aback at how strong my determination to breastfeed was – my belief that it was absolutely essential for Hannah’s wellbeing
and that I would persist no matter how painful it was. Perhaps this was hormonally influenced. That Hannah knew exactly how to extract the milk she wanted, cracked or inverted nipples or not seemed
miraculous to me.

That breastfeeding is an effective way of meeting the needs of the baby seems to be
proved by the fact that a baby survives and thrives on nothing more than breast milk for at least its first six months. Even though I had early difficulties with breastfeeding Hannah regained her birth weight quickly and has had few ailments.

As far as understanding the needs of the baby is concerned, breastfeeding Hannah reinforced and enhanced the bond between us even though in the worst moments of the early days it felt at times as though it was weakening it. When breastfeeding started to go well for us, the bond became much
stronger on my side. It was a continuation of the physical and emotional connectedness that had begun in pregnancy.

With regards to satisfying the needs of the baby, the letdown reflex when the baby cries
seems significant. The mother’s body doesn’t distinguish between physiological and emotional needs. That Hannah stopped crying when I breastfed her confirmed to me (rightly or wrongly) that her needs were being satisfied. I’m not sure that my understanding of those needs progressed much beyond that, especially around the stomach upsets, but the contentment that breastfeeding brought Hannah when she was distressed was and continues to be tangible. It wasn’t that we didn’t try other methods to comfort her when she was crying with her stomach ructions. We walked up and down for hours, sang soothingly, drove for miles. Nothing else worked for any length of time.

It would seem logical that breastfeeding on demand helps the baby to trust its own instincts and environment and that trust must help the baby to feel secure in itself and in the world. Conversely, if the baby cries to express a need in the only way it can and is ignored, then it would seem logically to lead to a distrust of the baby’s carers and environment. The psychological need for security, that knowing one is loved, seems to be met at least partly through breastfeeding.

Breastfeeding satisfies the physiological needs and seems also to meet the psychological needs of the baby. Nutritionally, it is unsurpassed; it provides immunological protection and the physical closeness of skin-to-skin contact.

Liz Lightfoot, Chartwell Group Hamilton
Originally printed in Aroha January/February 2003 Volume 5 Issue 1